Monstru Public Radio interviews Patriot and Industrialist, Toni Oni.
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MPR: Thank you for joining us on such short notice, Mr. Oni.
Toni: Yes. Where are you broadcasting from?
MPR: Well, we'd rather not say. You're the owner and founder of ONI ONI Mart, one of the most successful businesses in Monstru. How did you become so very successful?
Toni: In today's business climate, you have to be willing to do ANYTHING to destroy the competition. For instance, one of my competitors was selling MUZZ at $5.00 per pint. I bought the MUZZ Corporation, and then charged them double for their flow of MUZZ. Then, I sent assassins to kill all of the workers.
MPR: Wow. That's pretty aggressive. Didn't you worry about all of the lives you destroyed?
Toni: Yes, and no. I mean, I was able to hire some of their ancestors for a quarter of their wages, so that was good. Plus, they were unpatriots and bad people. They deserved it, I'm pretty sure.
MPR: You were also the founder of the now defunct Battle Town Theme Park?
Toni: Yeah, until I got shafted by the developers.
MPR: It says here that you were the developer.
Toni: Well, sure, that's one way to keep your edge in this business... compete with yourself. I have a number of Aspects that run a variety of businesses, all competing with one another to offer me the best price.
MPR: You're a "Profit Oni," right?
Toni: Yeah, so what about it? I can have you killed, you know.
MPR: Um. Just that being an Oni, you have multiple Aspects (or personalities) at one time. What is that like.
Toni: It's fine. I've killed or had killed a number of my Aspects that weren't up to snuff. Bad deals, unpatriotism, stuff like that.
MPR: How do you know that you're not just an Aspect, yourself.
Toni: That's it. I'm going to sick the AUTHORITY on this station. I mean, what kind of radio station is this, anyway?! You don't have an office, or any salesmen, or anything like that?!
MPR: We're a pirate radio station. We're unburdened by the "protection" that the AUTHORITY provides.
Toni: I'm gone. (SSSSZZZZZZZCH!)
MPR: This is MPR, Monstru Pirate Radio.
